Tension

My friend, Jonah, visited me last summer. She stayed here in Cebu for a week and we had the chance to catch up. She commissioned me for a painting, like the first one I sold. Given her time schedule, I told her I can't make one at the drop of a hat. I promised her next time she visits, I would make one for her. 

When she returned to Canada, Jonah told me her friend is going home to Cebu and would be back in August. If my schedule allows, she commissioned me for a female nude painting as a surprise for her girlfriend. 

Jonah has been one of my few friends since high school. I couldn't really say no to her. June came, I racked my brains for inspiration while arranging the transfer of my parents back to Gensan. July was ushered in, the inspiration still eluded me. When July was about to end, and news from home start to become ominous, adrenaline kicked in.

Tension

I delivered this piece to Jonah's friend, an hour before she headed to the airport. Two days later, Jonah gave this to the special woman in her life. This was received with love and fondness. 

As for me, this is my first painting to cross the Canadian border.

Good-bye, Daddy

My parents lived in Bohol for almost 8 years and I took this sunrise image only last June. A week later, they moved back to GenSan. Another week later, my father was hospitalized. Thereon, his health started to deteriorate and he expelled his last breath last September 9.

It was painful to watch my Daddy suffered and died due to kidney failure. He had been a robust person, always moving. When my parents lived in Bohol, Daddy did most of Mama's daily works, just so her osteoarthritis won't be aggravated. On his last weeks, we each had to lift him to eat or drink. I had to give him his bedbath.

Each of us in the family has taken solace on the fact that Dad won't suffer anymore and he is already resting in peace. 

Daddy and I are not particularly close. I am more of a Mama's girl. We have very few memories together. I remember him teaching me how to hunt for birds and how banks earn their profit. However, there is one memory that stands out right now. 

Daddy was with me when I shot the image above. We were out buying crabs from fishermen in the island. In hindsight, the sunrise looked ominous, a portent of what will happen the following weeks. But I don't want to dwell on that. 

For me, this was the first (and sadly, the last) sunrise I shared with my Daddy.

Moving Forward

The last few weeks have been about moving forward. My parents had decided to settle back in GenSan. I finally broke my stubbornness and have decided to live my life without a human crutch.

It's time to look at life with a fresh perspective.

This time, my life will be grounded in reality. My depression will still recur. Nightmares will still haunt my sleep. Torrents of unwelcome news will still land on my feet. There will be bad days. But I know I will be able to take them in stride.

The past years have taught me one valuable lesson and that, we all walk in life alone. It doesn't mean we don't have a loving family or supportive friends. We all have, one way or another. But like any periodical exam, we have to stand against our demons alone. That way, we can fully fathom the extent of our courage and strength.

Not A Fluke At All

Broken Echo

If I am going to view my life as a silent movie, it wouldn't be mostly a happy reel. A lot of the scenes would be lonely and depressing.

But if I am going to open my mind and take the time to really look at each scene, I realized the universe has been kind to me.

If I am going to count the achievements I hold dearest,

• consistent honor student from grade school to high school
• graduated with honors
• ranked third in the licensure examination for chemists
• sold a painting during the first exhibit I joined
• finding the love of my life (coming soon)

I realized that these are opportunities (except the last one, because it still has to happen) to grow. When call to mind, it should bring a proud beam on my face instead of a shy smile, downplaying my achievements. These actions are not acts of humility at all, but veiled ungratefulness.

What came to me each time someone recalls my achievements is that those moments are a fluke; that they are gifts from the gods I don't deserve. I think it's the right time to acknowledge to myself that I deserve them; that I am great at something. 

Fields

When two out of my three paintings were sold last month, I took it as an affirmation that the first painting I sold wasn't a fluke at all. Since I was a kid, I have been doing art: using up all my grade school pads for sketching, driving my mother nuts with all my chalk drawings on the walls and decorating the boards in my high school. I am really good at this. I am not a master (for it takes a lifetime to be that) but I know I have an opportunity here to grow, and I am going to see to it that I will.

An Omen to Behold

This happened many months ago, before the summer of 2014. I came home from work, exhausted. I lied down to rest and this caught my attention.

In my old room, I mounted my paintings on the wall, purely to enjoy looking at the fruits of my creativity. It was that fateful afternoon, when a light from a setting sun strayed into the blinds and to my artwork, A Phantom in my Slumber.

I considered this as an omen. 

From that day on, I promised myself never to wander away from my artistic pursuit. You see, I always say I'll finish my Master's first, or write my report, prepare an exam, or let my depression run me over. Lately, or for the last year, these pursuits have exhausted me. Each day, I told myself, this isn't the right time.

There is one thing I realized after all these years. The right time is not somewhere in the future. The right time is now. If I don't act on my dreams now, life will just pass me by like an old silent movie. I'll get old and sadly wondered how it feels to follow another avenue of dreams. 

From that day on, I started painting again. Months later, I made several abstract pieces and three of which are up for sale. As of this writing, one piece has been sold, and another has been reserved and being prepared for shipment.

I know the coming months will be exhaustive. Choices would have to be made. And there will be times, I'll fall off the wagon. But I know, I can dust myself down and get back on again. 

For now, I'm just glad I am starting to live my life. 

Sun-kissed

While traipsing at the woods, I almost stepped on this grass. It was growing along the path.The rays from the setting sun had filtered through the canopy and kissed the leaf blade, casting a golden light.

The grass barely reached my calf. But I couldn't let that moment pass without doing anything about it. Crouching so low, mindless on soiling my pants, I aimed my camera and took my shot.

Catch Me If You Can

As the last weekend had been busy, I decided to take a walk in the nearby woods. I chanced upon a wild flower (as I don't know its name, pardon me, Bio majors) and decided to take a picture of it. I was trying to focus my lens, only to realize that a butterfly was resting on its flimsy, tiny petals.

Ever heard of hands shaking, so to set the correct exposure? I felt that way at that time. Realizing that a titan with a camera is just nearby, the butterfly flew and teasingly settled from one flowering plant to another. 

I decided to leave it alone when I finally got the shot above and headed deeper into the woods. I was on my way up when another butterfly, same species as the one I initially spotted, flew across my path.

Then a play of catch ensued.

Route to Anonimity

This shot was taken at Popoo, Pres. Carlo P. Garcia in Bohol. I was waiting for the outrigger that will take me to the mainland where I can journey back to Cebu.

Since my parents moved to Bohol eight years ago, I usually take a pumpboat from Cebu and sail for 4-5 hours (depending on the weather) to the island. Much as I'd like to see aquatic vistas, they started to bore me, not to mention, there were times I arrived to my destination, wet.

Confining Chaos

This is the last abstract I made before 2013 ended. Just like any December of the past years, my mind took a dive into a chaos mode. My only resort is to confine, albeit poorly, the turmoil within.  Now that we are halfway of the first month of the new year, it is my fervent hope that I will be able to successfully soothe the little child within.