Tension

My friend, Jonah, visited me last summer. She stayed here in Cebu for a week and we had the chance to catch up. She commissioned me for a painting, like the first one I sold. Given her time schedule, I told her I can't make one at the drop of a hat. I promised her next time she visits, I would make one for her. 

When she returned to Canada, Jonah told me her friend is going home to Cebu and would be back in August. If my schedule allows, she commissioned me for a female nude painting as a surprise for her girlfriend. 

Jonah has been one of my few friends since high school. I couldn't really say no to her. June came, I racked my brains for inspiration while arranging the transfer of my parents back to Gensan. July was ushered in, the inspiration still eluded me. When July was about to end, and news from home start to become ominous, adrenaline kicked in.

Tension

I delivered this piece to Jonah's friend, an hour before she headed to the airport. Two days later, Jonah gave this to the special woman in her life. This was received with love and fondness. 

As for me, this is my first painting to cross the Canadian border.

Good-bye, Daddy

My parents lived in Bohol for almost 8 years and I took this sunrise image only last June. A week later, they moved back to GenSan. Another week later, my father was hospitalized. Thereon, his health started to deteriorate and he expelled his last breath last September 9.

It was painful to watch my Daddy suffered and died due to kidney failure. He had been a robust person, always moving. When my parents lived in Bohol, Daddy did most of Mama's daily works, just so her osteoarthritis won't be aggravated. On his last weeks, we each had to lift him to eat or drink. I had to give him his bedbath.

Each of us in the family has taken solace on the fact that Dad won't suffer anymore and he is already resting in peace. 

Daddy and I are not particularly close. I am more of a Mama's girl. We have very few memories together. I remember him teaching me how to hunt for birds and how banks earn their profit. However, there is one memory that stands out right now. 

Daddy was with me when I shot the image above. We were out buying crabs from fishermen in the island. In hindsight, the sunrise looked ominous, a portent of what will happen the following weeks. But I don't want to dwell on that. 

For me, this was the first (and sadly, the last) sunrise I shared with my Daddy.

Moving Forward

The last few weeks have been about moving forward. My parents had decided to settle back in GenSan. I finally broke my stubbornness and have decided to live my life without a human crutch.

It's time to look at life with a fresh perspective.

This time, my life will be grounded in reality. My depression will still recur. Nightmares will still haunt my sleep. Torrents of unwelcome news will still land on my feet. There will be bad days. But I know I will be able to take them in stride.

The past years have taught me one valuable lesson and that, we all walk in life alone. It doesn't mean we don't have a loving family or supportive friends. We all have, one way or another. But like any periodical exam, we have to stand against our demons alone. That way, we can fully fathom the extent of our courage and strength.

Not A Fluke At All

Broken Echo

If I am going to view my life as a silent movie, it wouldn't be mostly a happy reel. A lot of the scenes would be lonely and depressing.

But if I am going to open my mind and take the time to really look at each scene, I realized the universe has been kind to me.

If I am going to count the achievements I hold dearest,

• consistent honor student from grade school to high school
• graduated with honors
• ranked third in the licensure examination for chemists
• sold a painting during the first exhibit I joined
• finding the love of my life (coming soon)

I realized that these are opportunities (except the last one, because it still has to happen) to grow. When call to mind, it should bring a proud beam on my face instead of a shy smile, downplaying my achievements. These actions are not acts of humility at all, but veiled ungratefulness.

What came to me each time someone recalls my achievements is that those moments are a fluke; that they are gifts from the gods I don't deserve. I think it's the right time to acknowledge to myself that I deserve them; that I am great at something. 

Fields

When two out of my three paintings were sold last month, I took it as an affirmation that the first painting I sold wasn't a fluke at all. Since I was a kid, I have been doing art: using up all my grade school pads for sketching, driving my mother nuts with all my chalk drawings on the walls and decorating the boards in my high school. I am really good at this. I am not a master (for it takes a lifetime to be that) but I know I have an opportunity here to grow, and I am going to see to it that I will.

An Omen to Behold

This happened many months ago, before the summer of 2014. I came home from work, exhausted. I lied down to rest and this caught my attention.

In my old room, I mounted my paintings on the wall, purely to enjoy looking at the fruits of my creativity. It was that fateful afternoon, when a light from a setting sun strayed into the blinds and to my artwork, A Phantom in my Slumber.

I considered this as an omen. 

From that day on, I promised myself never to wander away from my artistic pursuit. You see, I always say I'll finish my Master's first, or write my report, prepare an exam, or let my depression run me over. Lately, or for the last year, these pursuits have exhausted me. Each day, I told myself, this isn't the right time.

There is one thing I realized after all these years. The right time is not somewhere in the future. The right time is now. If I don't act on my dreams now, life will just pass me by like an old silent movie. I'll get old and sadly wondered how it feels to follow another avenue of dreams. 

From that day on, I started painting again. Months later, I made several abstract pieces and three of which are up for sale. As of this writing, one piece has been sold, and another has been reserved and being prepared for shipment.

I know the coming months will be exhaustive. Choices would have to be made. And there will be times, I'll fall off the wagon. But I know, I can dust myself down and get back on again. 

For now, I'm just glad I am starting to live my life. 

Sun-kissed

While traipsing at the woods, I almost stepped on this grass. It was growing along the path.The rays from the setting sun had filtered through the canopy and kissed the leaf blade, casting a golden light.

The grass barely reached my calf. But I couldn't let that moment pass without doing anything about it. Crouching so low, mindless on soiling my pants, I aimed my camera and took my shot.

Catch Me If You Can

As the last weekend had been busy, I decided to take a walk in the nearby woods. I chanced upon a wild flower (as I don't know its name, pardon me, Bio majors) and decided to take a picture of it. I was trying to focus my lens, only to realize that a butterfly was resting on its flimsy, tiny petals.

Ever heard of hands shaking, so to set the correct exposure? I felt that way at that time. Realizing that a titan with a camera is just nearby, the butterfly flew and teasingly settled from one flowering plant to another. 

I decided to leave it alone when I finally got the shot above and headed deeper into the woods. I was on my way up when another butterfly, same species as the one I initially spotted, flew across my path.

Then a play of catch ensued.

Route to Anonimity

This shot was taken at Popoo, Pres. Carlo P. Garcia in Bohol. I was waiting for the outrigger that will take me to the mainland where I can journey back to Cebu.

Since my parents moved to Bohol eight years ago, I usually take a pumpboat from Cebu and sail for 4-5 hours (depending on the weather) to the island. Much as I'd like to see aquatic vistas, they started to bore me, not to mention, there were times I arrived to my destination, wet.

Confining Chaos

This is the last abstract I made before 2013 ended. Just like any December of the past years, my mind took a dive into a chaos mode. My only resort is to confine, albeit poorly, the turmoil within.  Now that we are halfway of the first month of the new year, it is my fervent hope that I will be able to successfully soothe the little child within.

The Clouds Have Spoken

Blessed with a rooftop and an unobstructed view of sky, the blue stretch of heaven above me is transformed into a tableau of creatures whose stories are waiting to be told. Here are some select shots of these creatures, classified under what I call Cloud-scapes.

The Dancing Pair brought me into the ballroom where Beauty waltzes with the Beast towards the sunset under the loving gaze of the inconspicuous quarter moon.

In Between

acrylic on 9" by 12" Canson watercolor paper

Fiery Mirage

acrylic on 9" by 12" Canson watercolor paper

Let me know your thoughts. Leave your comments below. Thanks.

Second Chances

There is a story behind this piece (well, a lot of my pieces are). But this one is a classic example of if-it-doesn't-work-the-first-time-set-it-aside-and -get-back-to-it-later.

I started the green background a year ago. It was one of my attempts to create an abstract piece that appears more spontaneous and less structured. This was painted on a 12" by 18" Canson watercolor paper. However, I realized 30 minutes after, that the piece is not going to work. It lacked structure (what I'm attempting for in the first place) and direction as well. At some point, one part of the piece looked like a gay Lochness monster (no offense to the LGBT group). Since the work was going nowhere, the painting was set aside and waited until my mind finds clarity to decide on what to do next.

A year later, I revisited the painting. I cut the piece into two, figuring that each part can survive alone. A technique has been playing on my mind before the semestral break and I'd like to try it out. The portion which has the Lochness monster didn't survive. Surprisingly, the technique worked well on the other portion, which is the one above.

There are still other pieces waiting for my attention. I hope to get back to them one day and they will be given proper time under the sun, just like this abstract art I called Second Chances.

Timorous Faith

                            Medium: Acrylic

                            Paper:  9" by 12" Canson watercolor paper

I am interested what you think of this second abstract I made. Kindly leave your comments below. Thanks.

Dexter's Madness

Last September, one of my favorite TV series, Dexter, had just ended. Its ending may not appeal to everyone but it bears some rumination. For one, the famous TV serial killer didn't die and was not killed by lethal injection. Instead, he staged his own death to pave self-exile from the people he loves dearly. The absence of intrapersonal communication and hallucinations of Harry magnified the impact of his self-exile. These acts are his way of self-examination that prevents him from giving in fully to his dark passenger.

The audience would expectantly clamor for justice to be served. Death by lethal would be appropriate for Dexter. But death itself, is liberation.

Dexter chose the punishment he deserves; a desolate life fit for the dead. For a living person, that is worse than death.

As I dabble in abstract art, this piece, I called Dexter's Madness, is my tribute to the end of the famous TV serial killer.

Busy as a Butterfly (Bee)

While working as VAL at Joel Locaylocay's Photography, the butterflies and bees at locations have captivated me. These creatures have always been busy, alighting from one flower to another, oblivious to any two-legged creature walking around. Somehow, they have found ways to tolerate any human beings.

Perhaps, I could be wrong. They might be talking about us, like wondering why a woman with a camera is down on her knees while taking a picture of their fellow butterfly, resting on a half-foot tall weed.

Much as they held me in awe, a lot of questions ran through my mind as well.

Do bees experience paranoia or distrust, considering the number of people loitering in the garden?

Do butterflies really feel fragile and afraid a human hand might crush them to pieces?

Do these creatures ever get tired while working in the same garden everyday?

If the answers to these are all yes then, I should take a leaf from their books. Despite being haunted by the daily grind, they still manage to emanate beauty, serenity and peace, that soothes even the most troubled soul in the garden.

Daybreak*

As much as I adore dusk, the breaking of dawn is still my favorite. It is always mesmerizing how the rays of sunlight creep into the horizon, chasing away the dark night. It is an added bonus if a sliver of a serene quarter moon plays a supporting role in this montage.

The view doesn't always last very long. In fact, it is often over, sooner than you like. But the experience left me a lasting mark of awe in my soul, a reminder that there will always be beauty in my life.

*Disclaimer: No blood-sucking sparklies were harmed in this shoot.

Worm's Eye View

When I hit rock bottom, I had an epiphany about friendship; that it is a relationship built on trust and earned not by a click on the mouse, as in Facebook. True friends may force you to see your mistakes yet, they stick around, even if you are being a sniveling pain in the ass. Most importantly, friends administer tough love in a kind and compassionate way, and not by an acerbic tongue.

It is ironic that I only understand the facets of friendship when I was at the lowest point of my life. Perhaps, from my view on the ground, I had a sneak peek on a person's mind. But, I'd like to think that someone has pointed me the reflection of the sky, that there's no other way for me but up.

And that someone are my best friends.

Calla Lily

This has been going on in my mind for the past few days. I plan to create a bigger painting of this subject, using acrylic. For now, as it is in planning stage, I used pastel on my sketchpad.

I'd love to hear suggestions and comments from all of you. Thanks.

A Star for Mario

When the Super Mario-themed shoot came up, either a star or  mushroom would be the obvious prop. This won't be difficult to find as Jotay planned to use stuff toys. However, I realized it was one of those the-things-you-crave-are-just-out-your-grasp moments.

I scoured the toy stores at SM for a yellow star or purple mushroom; only to find a red stuff star with a pair of blue eyes and a smiling mouth (My apology for the lack of image for the red star. It was saved in my phone. Right now, my laptop has trouble connecting with my phone). Considering the time limitation, I decided to improvise.