Sunday, May 13, 2012

I Couldn't Be Her

I am my Mama's girl.

Being her only girl, it is understandable why she kept me close to her side. She was even my playmate, in the absence of neighborhood kids.

While growing up, daughters look up to their mothers. They tried on their mother's clothes, make ups, and shoes. We try to copy our mother's looks. I used to do that myself.

Mama's scarfLike for example, this bandanna I drew two years ago. When we travelled long distances before, Mama wore  this to hold her hair. She said, it kept the dust away and you won't bother your seatmate in the bus with a strand straying to their eyes. With no extra fuss, she wrapped it around her head like how Granny Goose does. It looks fine with her. I decided that when I grew up, I would wear one of her silk bandannas.

My first job had me leave home at six in the morning and noticeably, my migraine attacks were becoming frequent. People around surmised that cold early morning air had gone inside my head (I know, it seems illogical but let's leave it at that) while I travel for work. Mama offered me her silk bandanna to protect my head from cold. Funny thing is, when I wore it, I looked like...well...Granny Goose (and though I am a fan of Granny Goose snack foods, I don't want to like her). Carefully, so as not to hurt her feelings, I refused my mother's offer.

Now as a grown-up, I realized that as much as I'd like to, I could never be like my Mama. I couldn't be as patient as her, or as meek. Not because I don't want to be like her but because we come from a different set of experiences at different times. We were two distinct individuals.

The bond that linked me to her for nine months, though severed physically, will continue to hold us together. This will help us transcend our differences. For the rest of my life, I will be her daughter who at times can drive her crazy and she, my mother, who will offer the second mystery of the rosary for my safety and success.

Happy Mother's Day, Mama!

Monday, March 5, 2012

Inner Passion

Inner Passion

Some people are born in the light while some first saw darkness. While people use light to reach their destination, some people grope in the dark, looking for that beacon; to find reason for their mere existence.

Darkness sows fear. The shadows inspire weakness. And the weary traveller latches on the next mortal, sucking them dry like a vampire to its prey.

But the beacon has never been hidden behind the far horizon. It is secreted within the soul. We call this passion.

When given the right amount of time and nurture, the passion inside will burst into life, dispelling the darkness within.

This time, fear no longer holds power. Shadows reveal fellow travellers.

Hold on to that passion, then and do not lose it. Once it has taken root, one does not have to justify his existence. We only have to live the life we are gifted with.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Getting Out of Hand(s)

Hand 2
Things are stressful lately (or as always). For one, the second semester is ending. Exams are to be handed out. Later on, grades will be computed and requirements are to be accomplished for clearance signing.

In addition to that, I need to finish my thesis in time for my  defense in March so I can finally be over and done with this one hurdle in my academic life – my Master’s degree. Perhaps, by then, I can focus on the rest of my life.


Hand 1
Amidst all these deadlines and must-do’s, one can be overwhelmed to the point of breaking down. Fortunately, I got friends who are there to reassure me and ease my high-strung mind. Another ace on my sleeve is my doodling on paper. Lately, I have been sketching hands.

These sketches remind me of what I have learned about letting go; a lesson I keep on repeating like a mantra and hopefully it will be ingrained on me as I lead a less stringent life. (I used a semi-colon, Jack.)


Hands on graphite


The lesson appears simple but often overlooked especially when one just wants structure; that I can control my life and I am not at the mercy of fate. If chaos reigns, I only have to sort the things I can change from those that I cannot,and let  to go of those things I have no control with and hold on to those that truly matter.